Pre-Emerge syndrome.

bryant, why do you care? why let it bother you? if they dont appreciate your concern towards them then watch them die la.. its okay one wad.. and why care if you are left out? you can always survive on your own. ALWAYS. isnt life already a routine for you now since you dream crushed? dont bother if people seem to leave you out or whatever.. you need no nobody… you have God wad… enough already right? friends? you have them? who? haha, you are such a joke…

this year round, the final day for emerge. i wont know who to hug. because, there will be nobody. and how about, i will just sit there and cry… cry as the memories flashes past… “and i, never thought ill feel this way. and as far as i concern, glad i got the chance to say.. that i do believe i love you. and if, we should ever go away.. well then close your eyes and try, to feel the way we do today, and then if you can remember…… keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me, for sure… thats what friends are for… in good times, and bad times, ill be on your side forever more… thats what friends are for..”

-and yes ill probby be singing it alone, alone in my own world…

and thats all for me…

Wonderful preview!

yea just had preview yesterday… the first run was horrid. the second was not bad… the basket toss was high and the split went up but i lost balance and fell back cuz the 2 flyers were too near.. but thank God Wen fu caught me.. hahaha..

well eugene the big boss actually told me it was good.. thank God for my wonderful bases. well i asked him if he wanted me to do a back tuck toss.. but he said toe touch is good enough.. so yea, wont do a back tuck.. toe touch got a better visual impact i guess.. monday must train split split stunt le.. hahaha..

emerge is less than a week away!! last year this time, south like meet up everyday to practice.. hahahaha.. well…

I LOVE SUPPER!

yeah man. i just reached home and bathed finished.. Thank God so much for Stanley for sending me home..

its been a, SLACKING week for me.. ha ha ha.. and POS practices have been fun and some sort productive.. we prayed and worship for monday’s practice.. and we practiced till very very late at night… we practiced our basket toss.. and the cheer.. we will sure blow the audience away man. hahaha…

no school this week and my next paper is like friday.. one hour paper.. so yea, nothing to study so ill just slack the week away… stretch here and there and try to help out as much as i can with the cluster’s stuff…

so just now had another POS practice. we got our routine ready this time and we’re confident for friday.. our basket toss and pyramid is ready.. only my basket toss here and there not very consistent.. but ya, will work on it when we have the chance.. hahaha… the practice was very productive just now.. even Big Boss E praised us.. so ya, its kinda WOW! hahaha… and after that we went to KAP macs… there were laura, wen fu, elvis, shu shan, regina,justin, louisa, me and kevin… it was a wonderful time i swear.. really.. macs was quite peaceful until we came in.. we laughed like crazy and most of the time, they are laughing at me.. those IQ questions sure did made me go “URGHHHH” hahaha.. then i ate quite alot… hahah stanley was quite shocked. hahaha.. i definitely love our cluster alot alot alot.. and the more i will work hard. even as im typing this, im doing my split so i can be more flexible for our last stunt… hahahaha…

click here to go to my cluster’s blog and see what Wen fu ge got to say abt the night. hahaha.. well, when its updated of course.. and yea.. after supper, stanley sent regina, shu shan and i home.. i totally love his car.. lol.. its damn nice… i so much prefer anything than lambor… hahaa… well…

and yay, next week is the big day and i so pray we will do well… now im watching American Idol and the Finals between liverpool and AC milan. Liverpool will win cuz they wear REDDDD.. hahaha..

oh and i went out with Amelia on tuesday and shopped and talked like crazy.. so enjoy the time cuz we havent seen each other for ten years. hahaha.. im exaggerating. yupps.

enjoy!

Random stuff-

i love laughing at her.

the amount of supplement i have to take, + another tin of powder.

the very lousy basket toss

how davin will find ways to torture me. haha kidding

our very lousy split. serious. =D

Cant sleep..

well.. i cant get to sleep.. guess its due to the nap in the evening and woke up late this morning too..

well, this week is study week, other than watching prison break, i’ve been studying.. went overnight studying with pei shi… haha..

yea and went to que up to buy donuts with de you and yun ting. yea donuts, haha-you must be thinking im nuts rite. but well, its really nice!

and the most happy thing this week is ACJC BAND GOT GOLD WITH HONOURS! yea man! hahhaa..

i went to DXO on sat night. well, cuz brandon dragged me there.. and cuz it was only $10 bucks and im sponsored. so why not. haha.. i thought it would be great and yea, WOULD BE. like argh, the ration of guys to girls?- how about 10:1. and brandon says 20:2. to make it sound better. hahaha… the music isnt really that good.. ah, $10 so dont expect alot. i’ll make sure i bring along my girl-friends there next time. its just so wrong being in the dance floor surrounded by guys. its WRONG WRONG WRONG! i even saw guys grine at each other cuz they are just deprived of girls. oh well, i hope they are cuz i seriously wont wanna go to a gay party. thats just WRONG WRONG WRONG. DEPRIVED! ya, and there’s so many BENGz and LIANz cuz its a “mixed” party. whatever. if not for brandon ill not even go man.i swear. not DXO at least. rather follow my dad to Dragonfly, HAHAHA KIDDING.

and mid years next week? and i seriously cant wait for season of prison break to be released on DVD cuz i wanna collect the whole series of Desperate Housewives and Prison Break. and for Diana, good news is Wentworth Miller is NOT gay. so dont cry anymore. hahaha…

and POS training is getting better. well, at least i got to fly at least once. i mean when there were trainings where i dint do anything ones before. but thank God for the great people there which kept me going and lovin’ it.i hope i can practice my basket toss and get a consistent height for my back tuck. im in contact with the american coach Tosha who taught me the technique for a back tuck basket toss.. so far, ive only done 1 donkey years ago. really hope i can do more stunts in POS cuz the no progress situation is killing me slowly. we”ve been doing pendulum for how about 1 month. i know we can do it, WE CAN! cuz we are champions. hahahaa… yay, later got POS, so its the next time i look forward to.. who cares abt the next paper? hahahaha… im a closet mugger.

i saw Amelia on sat at town… she looked excited and petrified when she sees me.. hahaha.. well, i missed her.. its been how about 4 months since we last hang out? well, maybe cuz of the Chevalier thing which caused some problems even with me and amelia.. haha, well..

oh, and Jessamine made cookies for the clustermates and i got the rest to bring home, its D to the E to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S. hahaha…. thanks! Jasmine(licous)!

its also been years since i went out with Sarah and Hendy. haha, well… we are ageing. so Hendy and Sarah, when u individually read this, you should know what to do.. I KNOW RIGHT.

IM STILL NOT SLEEPY!!! BUT I DONT WANNA STUDY!!! dang. maybe read a book? hmmmm… [the five Jerks you meet on earth]-its an unauthorized parody of you know what. hahahaha….. after this im gonna get Barry Trotters. hahaha. i think parodies and the funniest things apart from chick flicks. hahaha.. and i realize one thing, quite random- Taufik is so whatever, he said there is romance, action and COMEDY?!?!?!?!? in spiderman 3… i mean, COMEDY?! which part? the credits? hurhh?? -hahah random…

and so, life moves on to the next week and i’ve just got nothing better to do. my life is so nothing to do that my phone bill is only $40, the least in this life time, i swear.. even in primary school, i spent $50 plus on prepaid card fortnightly..

yay, Pokka having their offers again, 2 bottles for $2!! FASTER GO STOCK MUMMY! hahahaha…

the best mother’s day gift. let her not be at home for the whole day so she can go malaysia golfing. but right after her returns- MUMMY I NEED MONEY! hahahahahaa…… well, im being realistic. I LOVE MUMMY! hahahaah… and my dad is soooooo freaky, he talks to me on msn, sending me nudges every few minutes… loll….. i shall delete the programme from his laptop when he returns. hahahaha… he asked me once not to chop off his finger cuz his laptop is protected by the fingerprint system thingy… what a joke. hahaha…

crushed. infatuated. loved. misses. the “i cant wait to see you” factor. hahaha. to the special you.

random- i wonder how many people actually practice what they preach or learn through the sermons, cuz i dont see people practicing the basics that work in the body of Christ sometimes, RECONCILIATION. Jesus says if we dont reconciliate with our brethren, our tithings and service onto God is not sorta, “received”. so, THANKS! goodness.

lalala, my toilet is soooo clean… my desk is sooo neat.(well, wait for few more days when it goes messed up again)….. my walk-in wardrobe is in process now……. and I FINALLY CAN REALLY CHANGE THE CELL GROUP. i hope. hahaha..

yay i just yawned. bye blog.

OUT WITH CLUSTER MATES!

Enjoyed today ALOT!

And yups, went for service, it was great. then went to orange julius with Jac, Jess and Niger. then went for POS training! did some basket tosses. not high enough for my back flip. grrrr…. oh well, need MORE practices. we are sorta ahead of schedule so, not bad for now. BUT! i have bruises all over my body and abrasion on my thigh! lol.. the front flip, i did it ALOT ALOT ALOT of times. so did high bird. i think i flipped more than 50 times! i simply love my cluster. hahaha..

then after that, Jac, Jess and Niger with myself, went to vivo! and on the train, we camwhored a bit.. with some, hmmm rather obscence picture like this:

and evidence of Jac as a professional whiner:

other than that, we all camwhored a bit on the train..

then we reached vivo, and had Haagen Daz!

while waiting for Jes’ ice cream, we had ours’ first! coffee almond!

then we went to Toys’r'us to enjoy childhood:

my prom dress…

the prima donna.

group shot! POSE!

Jac and i are friends. so is spongebob and barney!

then we went to do some serious intensive shopping for Jac’s prom dress. it was so intensive, im so tired now. haha.. we went to really every shop we could find which sells all sorts of dresses. and of course, we cant resist not to take pictures!

then when Jac and Jes’ parents reached Vivo, Niger and I went home… and after i bathe, i realise this!

BRUISES! BRUISES! thanks to all the bases who grab so hard! please take care of me la, i sacrifice to train you all leh! =D
i ALOT of flips today. ALOT.but for sim/smu cluster, its worth it! awwwww… hahaha

I LOVE SIM/SMU cluster!

well.. im so happy! havent been feeling so blessed for such a long time…

currently in SIM/SMU cluster. its like such a blessing.. i get to fly and enjoy all the great pple there.. and cuz i got some financial difficulty, Davin said he will give the cluster fund for me.. its like, super nice of him la… but of course i will give as much as i can… i really believe i reap what i sow.. last year, i paid for chevalier his cluster fund.. and this year someone else is blessing me with it.. i feel really blessed and all…

and i feel that im slowly walking toward’s my calling.. in SIM/SMU, im very motivated to work hard and be a “farmer”. like Eugene and Davin said, i might not be super intellectual, but as long as we work hard and give our best, we can still make it in life. i might not be super smart and all.. but at least i work hard now and i can see results coming here and there… and i believe i sure can get into RedBlueGold next year.. and go on to SMU to take up law. and im gonna promise this-I WILL JOIN SIM/SMU CLUSTER FOR POS EVEN THOUGH IM IN JC =D this is my promise. i think i owe it to all of them. they made me happy again from my depressing period of life, made me laugh and smile. brighten up my life so much! motivated me, rekindled my flame for God. made me feel so blessed. im so grateful to all of them, esp Davin of course.. like a big brother to me now. its such a blessing. so much a blessing =D

and now im not bother by the past anymore. im moving on. “i dont need you. i dont need you no more… im happy now without you… you are nothing more than a jerk. living in your success but forgetting your roots… moron.” and now i will just keep mugging and mugging and keep practicing math till i score very well. well enough for me to say “yeah!”

Thank God for everything now. Slowly everything is getting better, everything is improving. I have a vision, an aim and most importantly- a hope. Compared to the past few months that i tried to murder myself.. haha… i think i was so foolish.. making myself starve for 2 days and hurt my gastric… playing with pen knife and hope i cut my wrist… standing at the window thinking of whether to jump or not… i think im more optimistic now… i wont be as foolish anymore.. ill be smart… lol, like come on, i wanna die GLAM. hahaha.. not gorry all over.. God have indeed pulled me though my valley of shadow of death.

im happy in school now. with my classmates, i find joy and i enjoy them… yunting-my buddie who i study with and sit with in class always… cj, shermain,boon,bing xian,sam(aka tank)haha.. they make me enjoy school and lessons so much. and lessons are so productive, i hope i can stay in class FOREVER! i love school. i love learning. i love lessons. Mr Suryanto wrote this on my exam script ” you are indeed an A student”- this greatly boost my morale man! hahaha…

IM GONNA LOVE MY LIFE NOW. I SWEAR! no more suicidal thoughts. no more depressing felts. no more emptiness. I AM GOING TO LOVE MY LIFE. devil, this i say to you”Loser, hello hello! Get a grip! I AM OVER IT!”