Family “outing”

so it was sunday yesterday. quite happy.. although…

so i dragged myself out of bed to church. wanted to stay home to accompany my mum.. then went to took train to expo. coincidentally met mum yee. so we talked abt gym and all.. then at BV station, guess who came in. yes the extreme awkwardness sets in and i felt damn urgh!

then had service and all.. sat with my new cell group. they are damn nice. and elson, hansheng were the only guys and now im in! yay, im gonna be a man, man. lol.. then elson reminded me of cing ming jie. so i recalled that im suppose to go for it today! so i rushed home when the cell group proceeded to town..

yupps after lunch my mum drove us to the cemetry. and thats where i got my new gucci shades!!! omg omg.. lol.. i was damn happy.. hahaha… then we all “pai-pai” my 1st grandma and then went to burn the joss papers. its damn alot. trust me. damn alot.

alot right?

yea then i went out with diana and angela’s family.. went to their house first then went out again.. we were supposed to go town la.. but their father violently objected so, ya we went west mall to catch a movie instead. we went to bali thai for dinner and i ate damn alot. my tummy was bulging out la. lol.. yupps, oh before that we went to watsons to buy some metrosexual stuffs. lol..now we all look pretty. hahaha..after dinner we went to watch Mr Bean Holiday. hmmm. its seriously not a good movie but 3 of us bimbo-ed through the whole thing so its funny. hahaha…

then after that they sent me home.. la la la..

i totally dont know how to do my math tutorials now. lol. math. urggghh

for the clique.

Places Clique Wanna Go Together.

1.the gonna be completed Singapore flyer.
2.Genting Highlands(when we get our first 1K)
3. New Singapore theme park when its ready.
4.Australia(when we grow up)
5. IR(both sands and sentosa)
6.Reverse bungee
7. Hong Kong (when we have more money)
8. California LA.
9. and all the shopping centres that’s gonna be open in Singapore!
10. Around the world before we die.
11. heaven.

Spaceship

i cant sleep =D oh well.. last night talked to julie for like super long. haha… always best friends after all… and talked to kenneth too.. haha, and found out that we are under similar circumstances. people we love, trust denies and betray us. hahaha. soon enough ill be the phantom of the opera. lol..

i feel life is so meaningless.. cant wait for POS to start and get me busy.. so i can once again pick and move on with fun filled life =D

went to anna’s aka liyun’s cell group this week. i really hope i can transfer over asap. its there when i really felt renewed and i really believe i will start growing once again.

one more week to concert =D and =(.. im leaving AC band.. haiz… damn sad.

went out with clique on wednesday. yay i love them. we went suntec and we had dinner by the fountain.. damn cool.. hahaha.. its so much quality time we spend with one another. lol..

alot of people wonder wads spaceship in acjc band. well, now ill show u all the insights. hahaha….

SPACESHIP

cool right?!

waiting.

after a long week, i just realise that my dad almost burnt the house down. my dad wanted to heat up the curry, then he went out without turning off the stove. by the time my sister come home 5 hours later, the pot melted and the stove was on fire. now the whole house smells like i dunno wad.

i just voiced out to yu zhen to tell her i wanna change cell group yesterday. i hope i can go sarah and liyun’s cell group. just wanna start everything anew la. cant stand my life now.

thank God for hendy and sarah, if not my life will be so boredd.. hendy went with me to the doctor who gave me like literately dozens of medicine. then we went to the boon lay POWER nasi lemak and qued for like 20 over minutes for out nasi lemak. omg, tasty tasty!

yesterday went dinner with alot of band pple. dr lee asked me wad am i doing now, and he commented that i “die die must come acjc” LOL. quite true? haha…
well… then we went to dr lee’s house. omg, beautiful. its damn nice.. haha.. now i look at my house, i wonder where’s my walk-in wardrobe i always wanted. lol..

im damn BOREDDD… and yay, julie wans to come back to church..

cant wait for POS to start. i will never forget the freaking frustrating trouble and problems yu zhen and philip wan gave me last year to join pos. caused me soo freaking much trouble. thank God for chevy at that time, if not i think i would have alrdy left church. not i cant forgive, i cant forget. yu zhen as my leader can do this to me once, can i trust her not to do this to me all over again for other insignificant ridiculous reasons? and philip wan, haha, i got nothing to say.

oh well, a new year, a new start. though this stupid year has given me a damn irritating crap start, i believe the end will always be better than the start. chec, a good place for me.

WO3 YAO4 KUAI4 LE4!!

Sarah and Hendy

sarah’s a total lesbian bitch, i swear man. and hendy is the weird bisexual thing who messes around with sarah, me and peng bo. 2nd hand man…

and people around me are all weird(im the most normal) things. my senior crystal is weirdddd… joy is totally weirdddd… bing jian and ci en is weird weird weird. michelle, weird. the whole world is weird.

now im sick. like, really sick physically. totally oh my gosh. headache, sprinting nose, sore throat, rash, stomach problem and blah blah blah..

the photos taken yesterday were really quite obscene. and today sarah and hendy finally back flipped me. yay.

and hendy’s bringing me to see doctor tml. i hope ill be ok.

thanks baby hendy and bitch sarah. i love u guys. weird things.

Depression.

the reason im blogging now is cuz i cant sleep. nothing unusual, just one of my many sleepless nights. im afraid im gonna suffer depression.

1)Depresses mood

A person may report feeling “sad” or “empty” or may cry frequently. Children and adolescents may exhibit irritability.

2) Decreased interest or pleasure

A person may show markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, daily activities.

3)Weight ChangesSignificant changes in weight when not attempting to gain or lose (a gain or loss of 5% or more in a month) may be indicative of depression. In children, this may also present as a failure to make expected weight gains.

4)Sleep Disturbance

Insomnia or sleeping too much may be a symptom of depression.

5)Psychomotor Agitation and Retardation

The person may be observed to be either agitated and restless or physically slowed down in their movements.

6) Fatigue

Deep fatigue or a loss of energy is a symptom of depression.

7) Feeling of worthlessness and guilt

A depressed person may feel that they have no value or they may feel inappropriately guilty about things they have no control over.

Brain Fog

A depressed person may have a diminished ability to think, concentrate or make decisions.

9) Thoughts of Death

A depressed person may have recurring thoughts of death, especially thoughts of suicide, with or without a specific plan.

other than thoughts of death. everything is happening to me right now. im back at 39kg. wth. and i think there is no value in me anymore. i feel so sadddddd. i dunno why!!! life sucks to the fullest. i hate this. i dont know who am i anymore. what i want. i dont know! maybe im just jinx. thats why i have no friends. i suck big time. i hate myself…

i need sleeping pills. i need chill pill.. my life is fucked up. totally fucked up. seriously fucked up. for the last time, fucking life.

Random

random postings.

its my grandma’s birthday and we forgot to buy her a cake. we then went to giant to buy strawberries, whip cream and a plain choco cake. thats what i made of it. and for excellent service of Ah Yat Hunan abalone, they served the cake even though its a damn tiny puny piece.
i swear i did not photoshop the country name. and like please la, even bangladesh got concert dedicated for them k. singapore dont have!

skipped service.

im at home, so bored… i dint go service, feeling unwell physically and emotionally. starting school tml. excited? a bit.

coming to think of it, im really pampered, a bit spoilt i guess..i have yet to know someone really close to me and will for my own good, reprimand me at times, probably they are just afraid ill get angry cuz i know can get quite petty.. but some friends should feel secure in scolding me logical stuff if im really in a wrong.. well…

im too bored im doing stupid things now.. lol..

原来你什么都不想要

原来你什么都不想要
我知道这样不好
也知道你的爱只能那么少
我只有不停的要,要到你想逃
泪湿的枕头晒干就好
眼泪在你的心里只是无理取闹
依偎在你身后是我一辈子的骄傲
原来你什么都不想要
我不要你的呵护你的玫瑰
只要你好好久久爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好,贪心也好
哪个男人对爱不自私,不奢望
我不要你的承诺
不要你的永远
只要你真真切切爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好,贪心也好
最怕你把沉默,当做对我的回报
我不要你的承诺
不要你的永远
只要你好好久久爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好,贪心也好
哪个男人对爱不自私,不奢望
我不要你的承诺
不要你的永远
只要你真真切切爱我一遍
就算虚荣也好,贪心也好
最怕你把沉默,当做对我的回报
原来你什么都不想要

Jaded

i have no idea why i feel so jaded now. i feel so isolated emotionally to everyone else around me. my parents never stop bringing up the fact that i did badly for my Os. someone and i are still got talking. band is facing some indescribable problems. im feeling off, off, off, off, totally off.

what is my life about now?im expecting too much of myself now? im feeling so tired of going to church. maybe not church but im seriously sick of going for cell group. being pushed to go for make up cell and all… wa lao is like, i really wanna go for my own cell group. but is just that it have to be on a saturday. that is seriously sickening. i wanna change a cell group. a cell group that i can connect to, a cell group where i can serve my ministry on saturday. a cell group that doesnt have people being more spiritual than God himself.

today, moodswings. acjc band went over to acsi for combine. i played timpani for phantom of the opera. screwed up here and there, but the important parts are rather ok. then we had this session where the J3s talked to us and shared with us “why acjc band means so much to them”. i saw Crystal cried. i did not cry physically but i was very very sad. the seniors started weeping and i really felt in my heart, i am really emotionally attached to acjc band.

it hurts so much to see people taking acjc band for granted. especially people who made it in without much effort like appealing. at least people who appealed through and people who did not appeal through showed alot of commitment to the band. for me myself, im not even officially in acjc, so coming to think of it, at that point of time where i know i dont have to bother appealing in acjc, i could have just left the band. taking up so much of my time and there is no strings attached. but i know one thing, none of this minutes ive been here have gone to waste, none. the friendships, the lessons, the joy, the passion and the love. love not only for the music but the people. to see everyone caring so much for one another in the band is one thing ive never seen before in my secondary school band. but as the J3s and J2s have said, this culture is not really carrying on in our batch of J1s. But i strongly believe this will change through time. surely.

i really love acjc band, and im glad i have a chance to participate and contribute to the band in one way or another. this experience is priceless.. i have only until april 1st to stay in acjc band and after that ill just break off for my own studies. i dont want that day to come, i dont wanna leave acjc band, i seriously dont want. im already starting to miss this band. cherish, treasure and remember.

RyanEngloongEnjiaEmilyKristenSamuelSeanAndyWenlong
CrystalEuniceBrandonJoyMichelleBingjianCienEdwinErnestZhanwei
EileenLiyunShereeJefriHuilinRebeccaEvelynFerozShibinSathish
WilsonPaulEugeneMartinZhenrongMiss-s’ngStuartDominicFaidiShahira
SarahHanliangTimothyKevinMelvinLesterLokmunYingdaMingxuanJiaying
BizheMeilingSamanthaIanWeitingVivianDrleeMelissaBenjaminJoelZhiwen

in no order of sequence of i love who more,

I LOVE ALL YOU GUYS PEOPLE!
CLINCH THE TOP BAND!
GOLD WITH HONORS!
YOU CAN DO IT GUYS!
OUR HEARTS OUR HOPES OUR AIMS ARE ONE!
NO DISCORD WILL SEVER, EVER!
YOU GUYS ARE THE ONLY REASON I SMILE NOW.
BE HAPPY ALWAYS!

if u think im over enthusiastic for acjc band, get a life.